Who Would Survive Resident Evil

Next to the voting poll, the top 10 lists are a reason GameFAQs is a daily stop.  Some lists are rather generic (top 10 SNES games, for instance), while others are a bit more creative.  Yesterday’s was a list of characters who would survive the Spencer Mansion from Resident Evil 1.  Obviously, these lists are subjective and based on opinion.  Still, some of those picks are rather…questionable.  Here’s the list…

10 – Pokemon Trainer (Pokemon)
9 – Regina (Dino Crisis)
8 – Frank West (Dead Rising)
7 – Kratos (God of War)
6 – Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII)
5 – Jinpachi Mishima (Tekken 5)
4 – Dante (Devil May Cry)
3 – Max Payne (Max Payne)
2 – Rikimaru (Tenchu:  Stealth Assassin)
1 – Raziel (Soul Reaver)

While the logic is listed for each pick, it’s still an odd list.  A couple of people need to be at full power (Pokemon Trainer needs level 99 Pokemon, Squall needs to be level 99…according to the list, anyway).  Even then, seeing a zombie (much less, one that’s munching on someone’s brain) will take a toll on one’s sanity.  Despite having powerful creatures as his command, keep in mind the Pokemon Trainer is still a kid/young adult.

I’d replace the following:  Pokemon Trainer and Squall Leonhart (does all his fighting in psuedo turn-based style).  The Pokemon Trainer is only a kid who would become too scared to throw a Pokeball (or even run away) after seeing a zombie devour Kenneth’s brain.  Also, the closest the Pokemon Trainer has come to fighting undead is facing off against ghost Pokemon so (s)he wouldn’t fare too well in the mansion.  Squall is also replaced because he fights in a psuedo turn-based style.  Zombies (and bosses) would get in numerous free hits as he cast magic (which, for the good spells, requires a several minute-long animation to watch).  Of course, he could resort to his gunblade but here’s another question, why is he being singled out?  By the logic applied to Squall, any Final Fantasy character could survive the Resident Evil mansion.  If he’s on the list, why aren’t the others?

Of course, you can add these two back in but consider these two characters:  Master Chief and Link.  Master Chief has fought the Flood (zombie-ish creatures) so he wouldn’t wig out like a 10 year old at the sight of someone’s brains being devoured.  Chief would cruise through the mansion similar to how Frank West would, only he’s a super-soldier.  West has dealt with mobs of zombies and so has the Chief.  Master Chief also has rechargeable energy shields and thick armor that zombie teeth would have trouble penetrating.  The only problems with Master Chief would be his limited carrying capacity (people bitch about Chris Redfield’s capacity, imagine playing as a guy who could only hold two guns at a time) and the limited ammo inside the mansion.  Still, even with sparse ammo, Chief could just melee all the zombies’ heads off and save the bullets for the bosses.

Link would also be a good pick for survivng the mansion, especially the incarnations that have fought Redeads/Gibdos (and their equivalents).  Bearing the Triforce of Courage, Link wouldn’t be afraid to fight zombies, giant snakes, wasps, mutant dogs and whatever the hell else is in the mansion.  Unlike some on this list, Link would also fare well solving the mansion’s insanely stupid puzzles.  He also has no limitation for carrying, but only can use two-three items/weapons at a time.  Of course, Link has only used medieval weaponry but a sword will cut through most anything.  Tyrant might be a problem but Link has also shown he has weapon proficiency in everything.  In some games, he’s able to pick up and use a bow & arrow (found in a dungeon, mind you) flawlessly…despite never training with the weapon.  It’s safe to say Link’d be a quick learner and, hell, his fairy (or whatever) companion could help him L-target (or Z-target, for N64 Zelda fans) the head of a zombie…

Of course, playing Resident Evil as either character would be fun…but not as awesome as the Left 4 Dead people.

Pills here!

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