Fable 2

After getting burned on the last Fable, I was determined not to buy into Fable 2’s hype.  After all, I paid $50 for what amounted to an unfinished, overhyped game.  If they couldn’t have the first game live up to its hype, why should I expect them to come through on the second?  Well, Steve’s 360 broke so I borrowed Fable 2 off him for a bit.  It’s certainly an upgrade over the original, probably even what it should have been.  The game is still lacking in parts, most notably the story.

For a game that bills itself on choice and consequence, Fable 2 is surprisingly linear.  You start off as a poor orphan who gathers enough money with your sister to buy a magical music box.  Said box has the power to grant any wish and your sister uses it to wish she lives in a castle.  Later that night, guards come and take the two of you to the castle where some dick finds out your heroes that will eventually fuck up his plans.  To prevent either of you from getting in the way, he shoots both of you dead.  You survive despite falling out of the highest level of the tallest tower of the castle, revived by a dog and taken in by some blind bitch seer who hinted you should buy the music box at the beginning.

The seer trains you for ten years then sends you on a quest to gather a couple of fellow heroes to kick Lucien’s ass.  The seer makes the mistake of showing you where Lucien is.  He’s in some sort of tower out on the ocean called The Spire, which will have all kinds of magical power when it is completed.  Instead of rowing out there and kicking Lucien’s ass, she sends you to find some fellow heroes.

OK, that’s not too bad.  Maybe your character isn’t bad ass enough to take down the lord of the land.  Well, you find out later the seer can teleport.  This is a power she does not give you, making you have to walk around the linear (but admittedly pretty) game world.  Still, teleporting would have helped keep these heroes from getting involved with Lucien.  Strangely enough, whenever you reach these heroes, Lucien is always a step ahead.  In one instance, he kidnaps one of the heroes and imprisons them on The Spire.  Then you have to go rescue him but not by rowing out there and kicking ass.  No, instead, you go through a Gladiator-esque tournament to build fame before sailing out to The Spire.  It never occurs to the seer or your hero that you should sail on his own so he/she could take their weapons.  No, instead, you have to be imprisioned for 10 years and do some “be evil or lose experience” crap.

That’s as far as I’ve gotten in the story.  After returning from The Spire, I went back to buying property, making babies with my wife, flipping off monks and directing my dog to piss on the local law enforcement.  Y’know, the things that make Fable 2 fun

Time for some thrilling heroics.

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