New Release

Those crazy al-Quaida are at it again.

Its been awhile since we’ve heard from our old pal, Osama bin
Laden.  The wacky terrorist group used to poop out home movies at
a faster rate than Hollywood could crap summer “blockbusters”.
Then they faded away…  Well, I thought we had killed the lot but
with the latest audio tape, I suppose not.

Osama is actually asking for a peace
plan now since we Americans are “merchants of war.”  He’d rather
see the billions of dollars being spent on the Iraq war be used to
rebuild Afghanistan and Iraq.    There’s only one
problem, he’s forgetting why we went into Afghanistan.  Its funny,
though.  He expects the United States to negotiate a peace plan
with the man who orchestrated 9/11?  The United States has a
reputation with not negotiating with terrorists anyway.

Then the man proceeds to threaten us.  “The proof of that is the explosions you have seen in
the capitals of European nations.  The delay in similar
operations happening in America has not been because of failure to
break through your security measures. The operations are under
preparation and you will see them in your homes the minute they are
through (with preparations), with God’s permission.”

Funny.  I thought Allah was a compassionate
deity (since Muslims believe he is the same deity to Abraham, same
deity worshipped by Jews and Christians, although in different
manners).  There are three possibilities here:  If Allah
supposedly gives permission to “conduct terrorist operations”, then he
is not the same G-d worshipped by Abraham (since he isn’t a
compassionate, benevolent G-d).  If Allah doesn’t give permission,
then bin Laden is just spewing empty threats.  If Allah doesn’t
give permission, but bin Laden bombs America anyway, then I can only
estimate that bin Laden is breaking some religious moral code in Islam.

We don’t negotiate with terrorists, and it wouldn’t matter if we
did.  This tape was made back in the Islamic month that
corresponded with December.  So this tape is now being shown, and
the tape is a month old.  The United States just recently bombed
Pakistan.  I’m thinking even if we do negotiate a peace plan,
Osama will stab us in the back since we bombed a neutral country.

The only thing I agree with Osama on is the idea the United States
should pull out of world affairs.  That would be my primary goal
if I ever decided to run for President.  Why are we a
superpower?  Because no one else in the world can do crap for each
other.  The European nations were too devastated after World Wars I
and II, Russia is in economic pain, and the Middle-East nations only
fight over their “Holy lands.”  Since we’re the only ones who can
actually, y’know, lend a hand
to someone other than a fellow American, the world hates us.  We
don’t have to help out the world, Congress and the President decide
to.  The American people can vote in people who want to be
isolated too, so don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

How can I afford to be so right?  Well, look at the League of
Nations.  The League was a predecessor to the United Nations, only
the United States didn’t join (all other early 20th century superpowers
were in the League) and the League was made up of a bunch of
wusses.  Hell, the failure of the League of Nations is one of the
reasons World War II started.  The League didn’t try to stop
Hitler or Mussolini or the rise of Fascism.

The obvious failure led to the creation of the United Nations, with us
as the predominant force. We provide about 22-25% of United Nations
funding, which is the regular budget ceiling.  We are the only
nation that meets that ceiling.  How about instead of having the
United States look out for everyone, the world should step up and look
after themselves too.

Rumor has it China will be the next superpower?  Good, let
them.  Let someone else be blamed for world affairs for a change.

United, united, united we stand

United we never shall fall

Dumbass of the Year Part 2

The list continues…

 

5. Hilary Clinton

Senator Hilary Clinton (D-NY), along with Jack Thompson, is one of the
many people who were appalled by the San Andreas hot coffee mod. She
even went as far as to propose a bill.

Other than she’s ignoring the fact that crime is at its lowest level in
forty years, I have nothing more to say on this matter.
Especially when the LA Times did such a good job for me.

 

4. Terrell Owens

Yep, can’t have a list without Terrell Owens.  TO eh?  More
like “Time Out.”  Especially when the Eagles got rid of your
ungrateful ass.

I’ll admit, Owens is one helluva athlete.  He’s a damn good wide
receiver.  However, his talent is not worth his antics.
First off, he tried to renegotiate his contract after just one season
with the Philadelphia Eagles.  He already had signed a seven-year,
$49 million contract.  And he wants more money!?

Then came the comments.  On a radio show before a game against the
Dallas Cowboys, he stated that if he could return to the 2004
off-season, he wouldn’t have signed with the Eagles.  Later on, he
complained about not getting the ball enough (despite leading the
league in receptions).

The nail in Owens’ coffin of a career, though, was when he stated the
Eagles would be undefeated if Brett Favre was quarterback and not
McNabb.  Then he criticized the Eagles organization for not
recognizing his 100th TD catch.

First off, who cares?  100 touchdowns?  Wow, that deserves
front page of not just the sports section, but the entire paper as
well!  Second off, the Eagles organization said they didn’t
recognize individual achievements.  And why should they?  I
thought football was a team game…

Anyway, Philadelphia had it with this dumbass and fired his ass.
Good riddance.  Maybe the Eagles will be a better team next
year.  As for T.O. himself, who knows where he will go?  He’s
got talent, but is any team in the NFL willing to put up with such an
arrogant jerk?  We’ll find out this off season.

 

3.  Cindy Sheehan

If I was writing the “Assholes of the Year”, Cindy Sheehan would be the winner.

If you don’t know who Cindy Sheehan is, good.  Of course, unless
you stop reading, you’ll find out anyway.  She was the anti-Iraq
war activist who became an activist as a result of her son’s death.

First off, her son volunteered
for the army.  He didn’t ask her or tell her until after he had
joined.  Did Cindy protest then?  No.  It wasn’t until
after he died that she became so involved in the Iraq war.  She
proceeded to camp outside President Bush’s Texas ranch, and demand
another meeting with him.  Then she led a protest on the nation’s
capital.

Like I said before, her son volunteered for the army.  He knew the
risks when he signed up, and look what happened.  I don’t think
protesting a war your son decided to go off and fight isn’t the way to
respect him.  Also, why is she so anti-Iraq?  Because her son
died.  I guess that gave her the right to pursue her own personal
agenda.

Sheehan might have the right to protest, but that doesn’t necessarily
mean she should do it.  She’s an arrogant asshole who only cares
that her son died.  Was she protesting Iraq back when the public
wanted a war in early 2003?  Nope.  Hell, she probably voted
for a Senator who voted for war.

 

2.  Jack Thompson

Despite the massive rant, Jack Thompson has done some more since early August.

The most notable act (and why he’s #2) is for his “modest video game
proposal.”  Thompson outlined a strict proposal (a disgruntled
father basically goes on a killing rampage against the video game
industry), and said if someone could make such a scenario possible,
he’d donate $10,000 to the favorite charity of Paul Eibeler (chairman
of Take Two).  However, a group of modders known as the Fighting
Hellfish, actually created a scenario similar to Thompson’s
proposal.  However, the character was Thompson himself.  Jack
didn’t donate the money to charity like he promised (nor did the team
ask for it), saying the whole thing was “satire.”

Well, the good guys over at Penny Arcade donated $10,000 because Jack
Thompson wouldn’t.  Jack then tries to put the comic creators in
jail.  Why?  Because they called your bluff, Thompson?
He failed at any rate, much like most of his accusations.

Whether its his prejudice towards gamers (gamers are no better than the
KKK, indeed) or his lame arguments (I’m right…or else!), Thompson
really does deserve to be Dumbass of the Year.  However, only one
person exceeds his level of stupidity…

 

1.  Kanye West

Congratulations Kanye West, you are the dumbass of 2005.

I’d rant on about Kanye, but there are only two issues that need to be
brought.  The first was his comments on AIDS back in July.
According to West, AIDS was created by the United States government to
kill all the Africans.  …Moving on…

He gained notoriety when he spoke out against the federal government’s
involvment in Katrina.  Take a look at some of this crap…
“I hate the way they portray us in the media. You see a black
family, it says, ‘They’re looting.’ You see a white family, it says,
‘They’re looking for food.’ And, you know, it’s been five days [waiting
for federal help] because most of the people are black. And even for me
to complain about it, I would be a hypocrite because I’ve tried to turn
away from the TV because it’s too hard to watch. I’ve even been
shopping before even giving a donation, so now I’m calling my business
manager right now to see what is the biggest amount I can give, and
just to imagine if I was down there, and those are my people down
there. So anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can help
— with the way America is set up to help the poor, the black people,
the less well-off, as slow as possible. I mean, the Red Cross is doing
everything they can. We already realize a lot of people that could help
are at war right now, fighting another way — and they’ve given them
permission to go down and shoot us!  George Bush doesn’t care about Black people!”

First off, the federal government was delayed in Katrina because
New Orleans didn’t request aid.  “The federal government is not
needed at this time,” was what New Orleans said the day (and night)
before the storm hit.  Bush can only do so much when a state
doesn’t request aid.  Second off, New Orleans was in a state of
anarchy after the hurricane hit.  Mass looting and shit was going
on.  I think the cops have a right to shoot someone who’s stealing
a television, whether they are white or black.

Last thing, West warned
the Grammy panel that “If he didn’t win album of the year because of
his comments, he’d publicly ridicule the Grammy panel.”  Maybe you
should of thought about your comments before
you spoke, dumbass.  And I doubt the Grammy panel will care if he
ridicules them.  After all, they can make or break his career with
their awards (somewhat anyway, the fans are more important…and if he
keeps acting like a dumbass, he won’t have any fans).

That, and I’m tired of racism and Bush-bashing.  Racism still
exists, but its not as bad as it was in the 1960’s, when you couldn’t
sit down in a cafe if you were black.  As for Bush-bashing, get a
new gimmick.  I get tired of hearing how much he sucks, yet the
majority of America voted him back into office.

And that’s all…  Reflect on the year 2005, and hope 2006 doesn’t suck as much!