Dumbass of the Year Part 1

People are, generally, stupid.  So here’s a list that singles out the ten dumbest people of the year.  Humans aren’t supposed to be judgmental, but I don’t consider myself as such.  Matter of fact, I think I’m providing people awareness.  This is a good list of people to avoid, so think of it as “stupid control.”  Also, because the sheer amount of stupid people on the Earth today, it was a real chore narrowing them down to just ten

10.  50 Cent

Any man who markets his life story consecutive times warrants a nomination.

When 50 Cent came out with album Get Rich or Die Tryin’ back in 2003, I
didn’t really care for rap.  Hell, I still don’t.  I didn’t
have a problem with him marketing his matieral though.  What got
me was what he’s done this year.  He’s released both a movie and a
game based on his life story.

Curtis Jackson, your rise to fame really is a great story.  Of
course, like most stories, its only the greatest the first time you
hear it.  Afterwards, its redundant.  That’s one of the
reasons Get Rich or Die Tryin’ and 50 Cent: Bulletproof sucked.
We know the plot so well that there is no suspense.

50 Cent would be higher, but I blame his fans more.  After all,
they are the ones buying into his marketing.  If he didn’t have
customers buying the same thing over and over again, maybe he’d make
some original matieral.

9.  Bo Bice

Hoping to be an American Idol, eh Bo?  Well you ended up being an American Loser!

Bo Bice was the “rocker” on American Idol earlier this year.  He
rocked so much, he lost to Carrie Underwood.  He was happy about
that, according to an article in the Rolling Stones published back in June.  He said he didn’t want to win because it would tarnish his “southern rock” reputation.

First off, dumbass, you weren’t a “rocker” to begin with.  American Idol is a show based on finding the next big pop
act.  By being on Idol in the first place, you automatically
forfeit your “rocker” status.  The reason why he was on
Idol?  “To be myself.”  Bullshit.  He meant “To be a tool for my band.”

What is so great about American Idol
anyway?  The runner-up can get the same benefits as the
winner.  And why do people need three judges telling them if they
can sing or not?  I could care less if the ambiguously gay Simon
Cowell said I could or could not sing.  If I wanted to be a pop
artist (?), I’d get a record deal.  I’d go to some label with
material I’ve recorded and see if they wanted to hire me or not.
I don’t need three “judges” telling me I can or can’t sing.  If I
have enough money, I can go out and get a record deal.

Also, here’s how you can predict the next American Idol!  Its
whoever has the biggest tits.  Think about it…  Justin vs.
Kelly, Underwood vs. Bice, Fantasia vs. DeGarmo, Studdard vs. Aiken.

Anyway, Bice is 9th because while he is a dumbass tool, he lost and
he’s faded from the scene since.  Mainly because he broke his
leg.  Kind of hard to be a pop dancer when you break your leg,

8.  Sharon Osbourne

Sharon Osbourne is the only
person on the list that I really don’t hate.  Sharon is actually
quite nice, but there was just one event that puts her on the list…

There are many reasons why Sharon would have been on these lists if I
had made them a few years ago.  She re-dubbed some of Ozzy’s best
material because she didn’t want to give band members royalties.
She created that horrid reality show.  Then there’s the San
Bernindo Ozzfest events.

Sharon orchestrated the egging of Iron Maiden during their last set on
the Ozzfest tour (Velvet Revolver would replace them later).
Maiden had to put up with a lot of shit during their set (PA randomly
cut out, some jackass ran around with the American flag during The
Trooper, the band was egged at relatively point-blank range, etc.),
but they did play through the whole ordeal.  Then Sharon comes out
and calls Bruce “a prick.”

There are many problems with this event.  First off, she claims
that everyone in Iron Maiden except Bruce are gentlemen.  Then why
did your daughter egg them?  Sure, you can miss Bruce but when I
was at Ozzfest, Bruce was a good distance away from Steve Harris,
Janick Gers, Nicko McBrian, and the other members of Iron Maiden.

Also, the whole deal with the American flag during The Trooper pissed
me off.  Sharon claimed it was offensive because “Bruce was
forgetting about American soldiers fighting in Iraq.”  The Trooper
is about a British battle, dumbass.  Its customary that Bruce gets
a Union Jack and waves it around during the song.  He’s not
forgetting about American soldiers, he’s doing what he’s always done.

There are other things but Sharon Osbourne is now a has-been.  The Osbournes is over, her talk show has been canceled, and her husband has retired from singing.

7.  Anna Ayala

For the media-uneducated, Anna Ayala is the woman who allegedly found an amputated finger in her Wendy’s chili.

First off, this woman had a history of trying to sue companies for
money.  That’s strike one.  Second off, the finger had been
identified that it didn’t belong to either a Wendy’s employee, or
anyone who provided the chili.  Also, keep in mind that Wendy’s
chili is cooked at 170 degrees for three hours.  I highly doubt
you’d be able to find a human finger after it had been cooked for three
hours (or at least, it would have been burned a great deal).
Sure, someone could put a finger in the chili after the chili was
cooked (as a joke, maybe?) but this finger had already been identified
as not belonging to any employee.  Strike two!

Lastly, the finger was identified.  Some coworker lost his finger
in an accident, then bet it off to his fellow coworker:  Anna’s
husband.  Strike three, she’s guilty of fraud.

What’s sad is since she pleaded guilty, she’ll get a lighter
sentence.  Once she’s done her time, she’ll go out and sue more
companies.  Maybe she’ll learn?  I doubt it.

And who the hell goes to Wendy’s for just the chili?  Chicken nuggets and frosties own the chili!

6.  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the President of Iran.  He’s the guy who
said Israel should be wiped off the face of the map.  He also
denied the existence of the Holocaust.

I shouldn’t even have to comment on this.  The man’s just pissy
(like most other Arabs) that the Jews actually have a homeland
now.  I could go on a tirade about this man, but I’d only make it
worse.  After all, I think the sole reason he’s saying these
comments is to provoke the United States into a war.  Of course,
with his comments, he’d get every nation in the west to declare war on
him (or support the U.S. should they declare war).  Personally, I
don’t want another war.  Hell, we’re still fighting in Iraq.
Worse come to worse, though, and we’d have a lot of support against
this bastard.  Israel in particular…

Its not wise to piss off Israel.  Israel has probably the most
kickass military on the face of the Earth.  When you turn 18, you
are required to serve in the
military for three years.  If a country was to declare war on
Israel and invade the country, everyone there 18 or over could
fight.  So Ahmadinejad isn’t too smart when he says,” Israel
should be wiped off the face of the map” or “Israel should be relocated
to Europe.”  He’s just worsening the already tense situation
between Israelis and Palestinians.

We’ll see what unfolds in 2006, but for now, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is the 6th Dumbass of the Year.

2005: Movies of the Year

2005 was best said by my brother.  “This year blew.”  Couldn’t have said it better, myself.

In Hollywood, 2005 was a dismal year.  The movie industry suffered
its worst slump in a long time (I’m thinking back to 1985?).  It
wasn’t until Harry Potter, Narnia, and King Kong
came along and brought Hollywood on par with last year’s profits.
What does Hollywood blame this slump on?  Pirating.

Hey assholes, quit redubbing bullshit movies and exercise some
creativity for a change!  Maybe if movies were worth the tickets
and concessions, people would quit downloading them and go out and see
them!  So, I’ve made a conclusion on how Hollywood can increase
viewer ship in 2006.  Either (a) have the directors be more
original for a change instead of remaking the same movies over and over
again (movies like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, War of the Worlds, hell even King Kong was a remake) or (b) lower ticket and concession prices.  Hollywood will do (c) none of the above and blame pirating.

2006 does hold a few gems (X-Men 3, Superman, Pirates of the Caribbean 2?  Maybe?) but what did 2005 have?  Let’s take a look…


Movies That Are Recommended!

5.  Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

The only reason I have Star Wars
here is because its the last movie of a (once) legendary saga.
Yeah, I enjoyed the movie…because it was more action-emphasized than
its predecessors.  Of course, like the other prequels, you can
expect a plot full of holes and dialogue that is guaranteed to make you
cringe (or at least make the viewer throw up in their overpriced tub of
popcorn in disgust).  The good news is special effects and the
multitude of action scenes make Star Wars III more worth your time than the previous chapters.

4.  The Aristocrats

Now this was a gem.  Not that great of a movie plot wise, but its a
good test to see just how much of a joke you can take things.  The Aristocrats
will definitely test the limits of your humor.  Unlike most comedy
movies released this year, this one is actually funny.  Just be
careful if you are offended easily.

3.  King Kong

Peter Jackson alone makes this remake of King Kong
worth attending.  I thoroughly enjoyed this movie (even if its a
remake), mainly because Jackson employs more depth into this version
than the previous.  Example:  Naomi Watts as Ann
Darrow.  In the previous movies, Ann seemed to just exist to
scream.  Jackson’s Ann Darrow, however, provides more depth as she
begins to rely on Kong for protection.  In other words, she
doesn’t scream as much and makes my ears happier.  Of course, this
leads to Kong’s only downfall:  the creepy relationship.
Even if that scares you, you won’t be thinking too much about it since
the special effects will blow you away.  I recommend this movie
over Narnia, by a long shot.

2.  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

The best Harry Potter movie yet.  Unlike Narnia, this is the fantasy epic worth your time and
money!  Director Mike Newell successfully makes one of the most
popular books of our time into one of the most enjoyable movies of the
year.  If you haven’t seen this movie, you either hate Harry
Potter or think J.K. Rowling is satanic.  Go see Goblet of Fire and you’ll have changed your mind.

1.  Batman Begins

My favorite movie of the year.  Batman Begins is proof the dead can rise.  This franchise, which had been beaten and raped since Batman Returns,
was revamped.  Instead of fighting multiple villains and focusing
more on them, we get to see the beginning of Batman’s career and why he
became the Bat (which was only hinted at in the other movies).  A
well-rounded cast (Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine kick ass), an
interesting villain, and a more serious tone make this movie worth
seeing.  Even if you hate Batman, go see this movie.  You’ll
forgot all about Bat nipples by the time you walk out of the theater.

Honorable Mentions

Kung Fu Hustle

Kung Fu Hustle might be dumb
as hell, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.  The amount of ass-kicking
in this movie is just humorous to watch.  I’d have recommended
this over Star Wars.  Cartoon chaos, ahoy!

Land of the Dead

While not as original as its predecessor, Land of the Dead
sees George Romero directing movies that spawned the whole genre of
zombie horror.  ’nuff said.  That, and its the only decent
horror movie released this year.

Movies That Are To Be Avoided!

5.  Fantastic Four

More like Fantastic Fizzle.
The Fantastic Four are some of the most beloved super heroes in the
Marvel universe.  In this movie, they seem more like a joke.
Don’t believe me?  Two words:  Flame on!

Maybe its the inconsistencies that get me too.  Were Reed and
Storm supposed to be that young?  Well, at least the Fantastic
Four have one of the greatest supervillians of all time, right?
Nope.  Doctor Doom doesn’t rule a country, he rules corporate
business…with an iron fist!  Heh, not.  Also, people saw a
much better movie of the same nature last November (The Incredibles).  So I got another name for this movie:  Fantastic Fuck-this.

4.  Doom

A movie on Doom can only mean
one thing:  lots and lots of shooting.  Director Bartkowiak
wanted to the audience to feel immersed in the movie with the
first-person moments.  Good intention, but he forgot one
thing.  Gamers can do the same thing at home on the original
source for a few hours than pay $7.50 for a movie that does the same
thing for five minutes.  Oh, and the not-so-plot of a plot (Hell,
the game didn’t even have that much of a plot…it was just an excuse
to go shoot demons) and horrid acting (I don’t want The Rock cooking
for me until he gets movies) make it hard to get immersed into Doom.

Compare the movie and the game.  The game is interactive to the
player, meaning the player is in control.  With the movie, the
director is in control and the audience is watching.  Its like
watching your friend play Doom.  He might be really good at it, but don’t you want to play too?

Forget Doom.  Most people already have the games, and shooters (hell, games in general) have come a long way since 1993.

3.  Alone in the Dark

No list of “Movies That Are To Be Avoided” would be complete without a Uwe Boll movie.  Based on the game that spawned Resident Evil, both movies have something in common:  they suck.  I’ll give Alone in the Dark credit for being scary though.  I was absolutely horrified
by the acting, production, and lack of a coherent script.  Wooden
puppets show more emotion than Christian Slater and Tara Reid.
And the script literally juggles genres until you see Slater and Reid
blasting the shit out of Dawn of the Dead and Starship Troopers rejects/clones.  Chances are if its Uwe Boll-produced, the movie is going to suck.  Alone in the Dark is no exception.  At least he isn’t making Halo

2.  Son of the Mask

This movie pissed me off.  This is Hollywood’s attempt to make a
sequel to a movie that really shouldn’t have a sequel.  Quite a
coincidence that Hollywood is making sequels to Jim Carrey
movies.  Dumb and Dumber was the first victim, and now The Mask.

Jim Carrey was wise not to star in this sequel, but by doing so, he
robbed the movie of its heart and soul.  Who made the original Mask so great?  Carrey.  Without sssssmokin’ Jim Carrey, this movie is just ssssshitty.

1.  Dukes of Hazzard

Hands down, worst movie of the year.  You know a movie sucks when
cast members of the original TV show its based on tell you to avoid
the movie.  This movie is more Yeeeeawn than Yee-Haw!  I’m
not even going to mention the plot, since no one went to see Dukes of Hazzard
for Burt Reynolds in a white tuxedo.  Besides, the plot is more
fitting for a TV show than a movie.  People are going to see Hazzard
for either the General Lee doing what it does best (performing leaps of
faith off bridges), or Jessica Simpson.  Either way, fans lose.

You see the General Lee stunt before the opening credits of a movie you
paid too much money for.  The other stunts are so-so, since
they’re the same you saw in Herbie: Fully Loaded or even Smokey and the Bandit…a
movie made almost thirty years ago.  Jessica Simpson isn’t in the
film enough to provide fan service for teenage boys.  When she is
in the film, she’s like the rest of the cast:  nonexistent.

Dukes of Hazzard, indeed.  Avoid this movie like nuclear fallout.

Dishonorable Mentions

The Cave

Aliens…only subtract James Cameron and outer space and add Bruce Hunt and subterranean Earth.  Next!

Cheaper by the Dozen 2

More lame jokes and more Steve Martin should be enough to warrant this
movie a dishonorable mention.  Sure, the families feud and fight,
but in the end, they all get along.  Its enough to make even Jesus
think about stealing Christmas.

Chronicles of Narnia:  The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

Narnia isn’t as horrid as the
other movies here, but it does deserve a dishonorable mention because
the movie was just that damn disappointing.  Whether it was the
overdone CG effects, the amount of sugar coating this movie had (Narnia is so sweet it’ll make you a diabetic), or the lack of casting material
(Liam Neeson as the voice of Aslan?  Hey, why not make Aslan a
kitten while your at it?), this movie just didn’t deliver.  If one
wants to put Narnia nicely:  Lord of the Rings with a Disney coat of paint.  Otherwise, read my Narnia bashinghere.

Get Rich or Die Tryin’

50 Cent’s first movie, so I’m not going too critical.  What got me
though was the plot:  50 Cent’s success story.  How many
times have we heard this now?  We hear this in his music, now a
movie, and even a video game.  Wow, I never get tired of hearing
how 50 Cent became such a star.

I agree that his rise to fame is interesting…the first
time you hear it.  This movie will make the most loyal of 50
cent’s fans go out and ask some thug to shoot them nine times:
one for each time 50 cent has told his success story…and marketed it.

Skeleton Key

This is the other lame horror movie for the year.  Skeleton keys
are supposed to unlock anything, yet this movie doesn’t unlock my scare
factor.  Forget this movie, though its leaps and bounds better
than Alone in the Dark.


2005: The Year of Death

had a lot of news.  So here is my review for what all happened
this year.  Keep in mind, this is summation, not a full reveiw of
the year.  If you want more, go to wikipedia.

I named 2005 “The Year of Death” because many things died.
Whether they were Popes, movie franchises, news casters, or my dignity,
a lot of things died this year.  Now you know why I have named

George W. Bush:  Reinaguarted!

The country got what they paid for.  Like it or not, George Bush
(as of Jan. 20, 2005), is officially President until 2009.  Not
much to say, since the 2004 election is over and I don’t feel like
getting into that again.

The only thing I care about is that people have pointed out Bush can do
whatever he wants second term.  That is somewhat true.  Since
he can’t be reelected for a third term because of the 22nd Amendment,
Bush doesn’t have to worry about public opinion polls.  I’m not
saying he won’t though.  Politicians are constantly
scheming.  Bush might be an idiot, but he’s not going to do
something so drastic it will ruin the Republican party for the 2008

Regardless of your views on him, Bush made a lot of headlines.
TIME magazine named him “Person of the Year” for a reason, you know?

Iraq:  Democracy!

Democracy appears to be coming to Iraq.  A transisitional
government was elected in January, a constitution passed in November,
and the National Assembly was voted for on December 15.  Pretty
nice for people who keep saying Bush is doing a horrible job.

Personally, I think Bush is doing a fine job in Iraq (even if we had no
business there to begin with).  The nation wasn’t going to become
a democracy overnight.  Americans are just lazy
impatient.  They want a good answer today instead of a perfect
answer tomorrow.  The people voted for war, they got a war.
Now that they have that war, they want it over quickly.
Protestors like Cindy Sheehan just love bashing the President because
the results aren’t happening fast enough.  Or that their government killed their kids when the U.S. army is an
all volunteer military…

The thing that pisses me off about protesters is the moms.  Your
son died?  Well, that’s his problem.  He
volunteered for the
army and knew he
might die.  Your protesting won’t bring him back
and all it does is piss off the troops over in Iraq now.  Let them
fight the war
you voted for.  Maybe if you didn’t bitch so much,
less people would die.  Protesting adds pressure to the troops,
and people acting under pressure often do silly things.  Soldiers,
I believe, are no exception.

Ever been doing a project for school, and someone (or a group of
people) tell you your project sucks?  You might just brush their
comments aside, but maybe you take what they said seriously.  You
might tweak your project a bit because of fear of criticism.  To
me, protesting is a lot like that.  Your criticizing people that
are just trying to do their job.  Also, opinions on Iraq are usually
nullified, since Congress did vote for war.  Who elected the
senators and representatives?  Oh yeah, that’s right…
the people!

So quit bitching, and let the boys do their job so they come home!

NHL:  Strike!

Greedy, arrogant athletes on strike?  Hey, what else is new?

First it was baseball (remember 2002 and the players threatening the strike?), and it looks like players on strike is a
contagious disease because the National Hockey League decided to strike.  Players and
coaches got screwed out of a year’s paycheck, and I laughed at
them.  The NHL doesn’t have the popularity of, say, the MLB or
NFL.  In other words, more people are likely to watch the Super
Bowl over the Stanley Cup.  Less people will cry over the NHL
players striking than if MLB players strike.

And who wants to pay extra ticket/concession money for players that
just hit a puck with a stick?  Athletes are just overgrown
kids…or adult jocks.  They get paid
an unfathomable amount of money to play kid’s games.  Hell, why
not have a National Ownage League?  Adult gamers gather in teams
to own one another in various video games.  You’d have your divisions
and conferences and playoffs, etc.  Athletes get paid insane
amounts of cash to play the same games they did as kids, why not have
gamers get paid to do the same?

MLB:  Steroids!

Oh yeah, speaking of sports, the MLB players are still bitching about drug tests.

Here’s something to think about…  To work at McDonalds, you are
to take a drug test.  To work at one of the lowest, most degrading
jobs in the country, you have to take a drug test.  What gives
baseball players the excuse to not take drug tests?  Oh wait, they’re
afraid of getting convicted of using steroids and losing
their million dollar salaries.  Well, if that happens, they
fucking deserve it.  Baseball players shouldn’t even be making that much
money to begin with.  If you’re going to
get (I refuse to say earn) $10 million to hit a ball with a stick, you might as well get
that paycheck fairly.

Maybe there is a possibility MLB players will strike?  Good.
I think baseball
sucks anyway, so I don’t really give a damn if players strike or
not.  They’re just proving their greedy, arrogant assholes that
don’t mind screwing over their fans instead
of athletes.  Remember back in 2002 when the players threatened to
strike?  On the deadline, the coaches gave in and the season
started…albeit with raised concession and ticket prices.  Ticket
prices and concessions went up, but the fans do anything about
it?  Nope.  The fans were pissed, the fans were cheated, but
they complained as they bit into their $15 hot dog from the top floor
of the stadium.

Can I get a “unsportsmanlike conduct” call on baseball players here,
umpire?  Maybe if MLB players strike, fans will get the idea that
the players are more interested in the money then entertaining
people.  Maybe the fans will get the idea to boycott the
players…  I can only hope.  In the meantime, I’m going to
continue ignoring baseball like I always have.

Terri Schiavo:  Family Feud!

If you don’t know who Terri Schiavo is, I envy your isolation.
Terri Schiavo was the woman who sparked the euthanasia debate this
year.  She experienced cardiac arrest in 1990 and was diagnosed in
a PVS (Persistent Vegetative State) three years later.  She was in
this state for over fifteen years before her feeding tube was removed
in late March of this year.

People dying is sad and all, but the amount of debate she caused just
pissed me off.  Her husband wanted to end her life because she
wasn’t going to recover, while her parents kept arguing that she would
want to live.  So, you want to keep your daughter alive but she
can’t do anything but lay and stare at you?  Right…  Terri
married a smart man.  He didn’t want to kill her, but why keep her
alive if she couldn’t do anything?  Also, medical bills are
expensive.  I can only imagine Schiavo’s…  Keeping Schiavo
alive is like buying a pull-string talking doll, minus the batteries and a
voice box.  What’s it worth?

Oh, and the fact her parents bullshit their way to try and keep her
alive.  “She can show emotion!”  Not if science has anything
to say about it.  Sorry, but your daughter wasn’t even
alive.  She died back when the doctors said her brain stopped
working.  What good are the other organs is the brain doesn’t
work?  Your stomach might be able to digest food, but what good is
that if you can’t open your mouth and chew the food?

Point is, she wasn’t going to come back.  She wasn’t in a coma
(which people can come out of).  She was in a vegetative state that
she was never going to come out of.  There was no plot to kill
her, her husband was going to free her.  Schiavo’s brain had
desecrated to such a point she couldn’t come back.  Why bother
paying for something you are never going to get back?

New Pope:  Elected!

You know how the Chinese name their years after animals?  Well, I
named 2005 the “Year of Death” for a reason.  Quite a few
significant people died this year, and Pope
John Paul II was one of them.

We got a new Pope now.  Pope Benedict XVI.  Or should I say,
Pope/Emperor Palaptine?  Seriously, the comparisons are quite
similar…  So far, I’ve liked what the new Pope has said
(particularly his thoughts on Christmas).  However, he’s got a few
years ahead of him still (well, hopefully).  We’ll see what he
does in that time.

Star Wars:  Ended!

Hollywood has seen a few movie franchises end in recent years.  This year? 
Star Wars.

My thoughts on
Revenge of the Sith?  Best of the prequels, but
that isn’t saying much.  Now, I did enjoy Episode III.  The
action, anyway.  Sure, Lucas overdid the special effects (hell, he
managed to take the word
special out of the term) but that’s the only thing the prequels had going for
them.  The plot sucked, the acting sucked, hell everything but the action sucked.  I am estimating Lucas forgot to
watch his older,
better trilogy before making the prequels.  Even
in the last chapter of his saga, I don’t think Lucas watched the other movies.

Example:  The Jedi can’t perceive Chancellor Palaptine’s motions
because the Dark Side has clouded their vision.  That’s fine, but
then Yoda reads Anakin’s feelings.  Yoda, the most powerful Jedi
of his time, can perceive Anakin’s feelings of love, but can’t detect
Palaptine’s feelings of power or Palaptine wanting to overthrow the Republic?  Lame…

Episode III was also full of disappointments.  General Grievous
(expected, like Darth Maul and Jango Fett before him, he’s awesome but
he dies in the lamest of manners), the Jedi purge (a simple order!?  You’re fucking joking, right?), hell even the
lightsaber duels weren’t as thrilling.  The lightsaber duel was
something epic in a Star Wars movie.  There was always one
(usually near the end of the film).  Episode III had five…
The lightsabers are more redundant than epic.

And don’t get me started on the dialogue or acting.  “You are
so…beautiful.”  “Its only because I’m so in love.”  “No,
its because I’m so in love with you!”  Yuck.  Dialogue like
that makes me glad I’m single.

Overall, I’m glad
Star Wars has ended.  Shame it ended on such a
poor note, but its over.  Here’s to hoping they don’t make the
Jedi Order
books into movies!

On a side note,
Star Trek ended too.  Well, for now.  They’ll
probably remake the series a year or so from now to generate more revenue.  For the moment,
its over and Matt Weaver can’t get any new episodes.

Deepthroat:  Confirmed!

Now here’s a good mystery that had going on for a long time.  Mark
Felt came out and said he was Deep Throat, the man who leaked
information to two
Washington Post journalists about the Watergate
scandal.  People didn’t seem as surprised as I thought they would
be.  Then again, everyone was guessing it was Felt so I guess no
one was really surprised.  Oh well…  One mystery solved!

Michael Jackson:  Acquitted!

Michael Jackson was, once again, convicted of molesting children.
Once again, he got off free.  People were pissed, the media had fun with Jacko, and I just didn’t

First off, there was never any evidence.  No sticky sheets, no
Jesus Juice cans, no nothing.  Just speculation.  A lot of
speculation.  Speculation doesn’t get someone convicted.  The
only evidence I’m aware of was adult porn.  Some say Jackson could
have used that on the kids but there is no child porn to bolster that
statement.  If Jackson really was a child molester, I would think
he’d have a ton of child porn.  There was none found.

Second of all, Jackson had some great people helping him out.
Chris Tucker and Macaulay Culkin especially.  Tucker pointed out
that the accusers were con artists (presumably after Jackson’s money),
and Culkin denied any sexual relationship between him and
Jackson.  If Culkin denied relations with Jackson, and there was a
lack of evidence, what’s the jury going to do?  Condemn Jackson
because of speculation?  Our justice system sucks, but it doesn’t
suck that much.

Michael Jackson may have done it, but without evidence, you can’t
convict someone.  That’s all this trial was:
speculation.  Ask someone if they think Michael Jackson molested
children and you get a variety of opinions.  However, ask someone
if they know
or have evidence that Michael Jackson molested kids.
I can safely say the universal answer is “no.”

Nothing more to say on this, since the media had a field day with the
trial.  Well, I think Jackson should of done a moonwalk in the
courtroom.  That would have been awesome.  Or tell the kid to
just “beat it.”  …Wait…

Video Games:  Hot Coffee!

Who’d have thought coffee could be so hot?

Some lowly hacker made a mod for the PC version of
Grand Theft Auto:
San Andreas
.  In this mod, you could play a sex mini-game.
Normally, your girlfriend (in the game) would ask you if you wanted to
go inside and have some coffee (innuendo for sex) after a successful date (and if the
relationship was going well enough).  Well, with this mod you would go inside and actually play out the sex scenes.

At first, this was just a regular mod.  Then the media found out
about such things and rained hellfire on the game industry.
Senator Hilary Clinton called for a study on games, and Jack Thompson
went after just about everyone in the industry (Killer 7, The Sims, Bully, etc.). 
San Andreas was
re-rated AO before Rockstar released a ‘clean’ version, which was rated
back to “Mature.”

Of course the media is going to go after video games.  One hour
spent playing an Xbox game is one less hour spent listening to
media-induced bull shit.  The media envies games because they are
a new, popular medium.  The media has twisted the vision of games
that they produce killing machines, and yet, murder is at its
in forty years.

About the hot coffee mod itself…  The code is there, no doubt
about it.  Even if you have to enter all those codes or mod your
Xbox, the code is there.  Rockstar should have taken the content
out ahead of time, or told the ESRB.  Instead, they released in
hopes of gathering sales.  I don’t have a problem with the mod
itself though.  Especially since its just dry-humping.  Of
that was enough for the fires of Hell to descend upon gamers.
Clinton, I think, even launched a study against games.  Maybe she
should study the effects of high school football on children too…

Why not?  Games like
Grand Theft Auto and Halo
contain violence
and hostility, yet capture the attention of kids.  Those games are
accused of making people go on and commit real acts of violence and
sexual assault.  There’s another game that can inspire the same
thoughts, yet this is no video game.  I’m talking about high
school football.

Regardless, Hilary Clinton should do a study showing the pros of video
games.  Its definitely more exciting (and thrilling) to run a
franchise for your favorite sports team in the latest game, than to
sit around and root for them when they play.  Its also more fun to
make your own soap operas in
The Sims 2 than watch the latest episode
of, say,
General Hospital.

Also, kids are performing more spectacularly in education than they were
in 1971, when the Department of Education first started the
studies.  All the evidence points to the kids being all
right.  Its the media who is out of whack, not us gamers.

Ozzfest:  RARR!

I went to an Ozzfest for the first time ever…what an experience.  I wrote a
massive entry on it.

Looking back, I seem to have had more fun than I remember.
Personally, listening to bands that sound the same (few exceptions) for
eleven hours isn’t too fun.  The massive sunburn almost makes
seeing Iron Maiden and the original Black Sabbath not worth it.
They were worth the wait though, so my complaints are minimal.

However, I didn’t bring up Ozzfest to rant and rave about how awesome
it was.  There was an event that happened August 20…

For Ozzfest, Maiden was only on tour until August 20 (Velvet Revolver would replace Maiden).  Well, Bruce
Dickinson had said some negative things about Ozzy.  Sharon
Osbourne didn’t take too kindly to that and convinced her daughter,
Kelly, and a group of friends (she also tried to get band members from
Bury Your Dead, but they refused) to throw eggs and basically, make
Maiden’s last set on the tour a living hell.  Well, I would say
they succeeded…and failed.  Maiden played through their set with
ferocity (or so I’ve heard), despite having the PA cut off at various
times.  Sharon did succeed at pissing some fans off, though.

I know Bruce shouldn’t have talked bad about Ozzy,
Ozzfest.  But that doesn’t give Sharon the right to screw over the
fans who paid an insane amount of money (seriously, Ozzfest was
expensive) to see two legendary bands.  Instead of settling things
backstage, Sharon has her daughter egg a band and then proceeds to call
Bruce a “prick”.  Whatever.  She just killed off some fans
for Ozzfest next year.  Hey Sharon, here’s some algebra for you…

Less fans = Less money

Less money = Less profit

Less profit = Less Ozzfest

Lance Armstrong:  Wins!…Again…

Lance Armstrong won the Tour De France…for the seventh,
time.  Honestly, I find it more redundant than noteworthy.
He’s the same as the other cyclists…except he’s winning and he has
cancer.  Congratulations, I don’t care.

Of course, people are trying to get on him for taking
performance-enhancing drugs.  Well, if he did do it, he did it
seven years and didn’t get caught.  I wouldn’t be too shocked or
appalled if he had used drugs.  Honestly, all athletes seem to be
doing that now.  Its the latest trend!  Also, am I the only
one who finds it
fishy that he won seven times in a row after being diagnosed with
cancer?  Not that I’m trying to denounce him or anything, but it
does seem more than mere coincidence.

Is he retiring?  I don’t know.  He keeps hinting that the
competitive side is in him still.  Yet, he’s already won
seven.  What more does he need to do?  Personally, I’d like
to see him go again, if only to piss the French off (like he jokingly
said).  Then again, he might just run for governor of Texas.

Last thing of note for Lance Armstrong were those “Live Strong”
bracelets.  Live Strong guys!…by giving into marketing!
Anyway, I remember a cross-country runner got in trouble for wearing
one of the bracelets during a meet.  All because the bracelets
were considered “jewelry”.   o_O  I wouldn’t consider
the bracelets jewelry, since they’re made of
rubber.  I really don’t care
if athletes wear them or not.  I wouldn’t.  Mainly because the
bracelets are
yellow.  If I wanted to wear yellow, I’d kill Billy
and wear his hide.  Then again, there are multiple colors.
Like for breast cancer, smoking, anti-racism, and hell even disordered
children.  Remember to buy multiple colors!

I was going to get a red or orange one for Steve (the diabetes colored
ones) but I’m not that cruel.  Steve would wish I was though…

Natural Disasters:  Devastation!

Another name for the year 2005 would be “The Year of Natural Disasters.”

Hurricanes Katrina and Rita destroyed the Gulf Coast and an earthquake
in Kashmir that killed 80,000 were the dismal “highlights”.
Horrible disasters, yes.  And it makes me sick to see people try
and profit off of so much death and destruction.  Kanye West, I’m
looking at you.

2005 was the most active recorded year for hurricanes.  Hell, we
went through the alphabet trying to name the damn things.  Then
the earthquake Kashmir kills about 80,000.  Do we hear about
that?  Not as much as Katrina.

For me, Katrina was made into too big of a deal.  New Orleans
obviously had it coming, especially when they divert funding for
hurricane defense to building yet another marina.  The people of
New Orleans had that devastation coming, whether they deserved it or
not.  Blaming Bush for something you had coming isn’t the way to
go (though it is a rather cunning way to make a scapegoat out of the
federal government).  Kanye West even used the event to promote
his own album.  Fortunately, no one really listened to him.
After all, this is the same guy who claims AIDS was created to wipe out
Africa’s population.  Too bad his record went platinum (or close
to it, I know it went gold).

As for people blaming Bush, the only thing people
should blame Bush for is the rise in gas
prices.  Gas went well over $3 a gallon, which is damn
expensive.  If our gas prices rise because one city was flattened,
then we really do suck as a world superpower…and as a country.
That, or the oil industry owns the American people.  We lose
either way…

About the Kashmir quake, that was more deserving of a fundraiser than
Katrina.  80,000 people dead.  That’s about 62 times the
number of people that died from Katrina (estimate of 1,300 last count I
believe).  Between donating money to Katrina victims, or tithing
our profits for
one kid’s
father, where the hell are the donations going to victims of the
Kashmir quake?  I guess even EMHS has to be tired of donating
money.  Also, I heard little coverage on Kashmir compared to
Katrina.  Katrina dominated the news for a month or two.  The
Kashmir quake got maybe a day on the DNR’s front page.  Yet, more
people died.  Oh wait, I guess they weren’t American so no one
gives a shit about them…(well I do, but that makes me a minority).

Supreme Court:  New Justices!

In other news, we got three Supreme Court Justices nominated.
One of which was appointed.  William Rehnquist died and Sandra Day O’Connor was going to retire as
soon as a replacement was found for her.  Bush went to work,
nominating John Roberts.  Of course, when Rehnquist died, Bush
nominated Roberts for Chief Justice.  That was approved.

Of course, O’Connor wants to retire.  So who does Bush
nominate?  Harriet Miers.  I might stick up for Bush a lot (to
people’s dismay), but I’m not defending him here.  Appointing
Harriet Miers had to be one of the most idiotic things Bush did all
year (quite a statement, even for Bush).  The main problem I have with Miers is her
inexperience.  She’s a rookie, and she becomes a Supreme Court
Justice all because she has ties to Bush?  That is, well,
lame.  I’m pretty sure there are other, more worthy
experienced candidates aspiring to be Supreme Court Justices.  And
then some newbie gets nominated because of her ties to Bush?  Laaaame…

Good thing she stepped down and Bush nominated one helluva candidate in
Samuel Alito.  Whether you like him or not is your opinion, but
this guy has more than
700 opinions written.  That’s 700 more than
Harriet Miers had written.  This guy also has expierence.
The Liberals don’t like him because they can’t comprehend the pure
amount of ass kicking within this man’s soul.  The Democrats
wanted Miers in because she was just an inexpierenced lacky.  She
would of flopped as a Justice and the Democrats would have used that to
their advantage in the 2008 election.  Politicians are scheming
bastards…  Then Sam Alito comes along and the Democrats cry,” Oh
no!  He can’t be a Justice because its illegal to kick that much

Or was that what John Kerry said when he saw me?

Intelligent Design:  Debated!

Once again, people are bitching about creationism and religion in schools.

I don’t care about intelligent design, Darwinism, etc.  In public
school, kids should learn about Darwinism and evolution.  If they
want to learn about creationism and how God created the universe in six
days, they can go to Sunday School.  Or they could
actually *gasp* read the Bible.  See, the problem with teaching
creationism in school is that not everyone believes it and we have
freedom to worship whatever we want.  Teaching creationism only
appeals to two religions (Christianity and Judaism respectively, maybe
Islam…don’t know much about that though).

Simply put, go with evolution in public schools.  Its simpler and
creates less of a headache.  I go to a private school so I don’t
have to worry about this issue.  Moving on!

Saddam Hussein:  Tried!

I remember when we caught Saddam.  We had a student-produced news
segment every Friday.  It was called No Other Channel, because no
other channel would air the stupid bullshit antics of Spotswood High School
juveniles.  Anyway, a good segment (yes, there were highlights)
was when they showed some students catching Saddam Hussein.

We finally got the guy on trial.  It took nearly
two years
but finally, he is in the court room.  Now, about the Iraq
War…  I don’t know if we had business over there or not.
That’s merely opinion.  Some think we should have saved Iraq’s
people from genocide, others believed nuclear weapons, the list goes
on.  As for me, I don’t really care for Iraq.  If the people
like being gassed by Saddam, then let them.  Of course, Bush is
doing a fine job in Iraq (democracy takes time, y’know) and we got
Saddam Hussein captured.  Good enough for me.

The trial isn’t too exciting right now though.  We’re focusing
relatively minor matters and not the reason we’re having him on
trial.  Where’s the genocide and abuse of human rights?
Maybe they’ll try him later…  Why not now?  We got the
guy.  Let’s get him on trial for the shit he actually did before
he dies or something.

do, however, like Saddam’s resilience.  He claims to still be
President of Iraq (hard to believe when he was ousted in hiding and
captured some months later).  He’s almost comical…in a serious

France:  Riots!

Yep, the poor youth of France decided they had had enough.
Thousands of poor, suburban kids clashed with French police officers
twenty days.  Lots of cars were torched, many were arrested,
and France was in a state of emergency.

I found it more amusing than sad, really.  Only
one guy died in
three weeks of rioting.  Also, compare the French riots to
the Los Angeles riots of 1992…

Paris Riots              LA Riots

6 days

Monetary Damage    200 million Euros    $800 million – $1 billion




50 – 60




The Paris riots, while a big deal for the French, don’t even compare to
the LA riots of 1992.  Sure, the Paris riots lasted longer (some
say they’re still going on, since France is still in a state of
emergency) but that’s because they didn’t call upon the French
army.  Yes, the devastation wasn’t the same as the LA riots, but
some of that damage could have been lessened had the French army been
deployed.  I guess Chirac just let the riots run their course…

In happier news, France had the first successful face transplant.

Next Gen:  Here!

With the release of the Microsoft Xbox 360, the next generation of
video games is here!  Of course, that doesn’t necessarily make a 360 worth

Let’s start with the pros of the 360.  Gamers can purchase things
in the Xbox Live marketplace.  It won’t change the way you play
games, but the marketplace is fairly easy to use.  So easy, in
fact, its scary.  While there’s not much for sale now, one can
expect a good deal of things in the future (after all, the 360 just
launched and consoles are generally slow at launch).  Also, the
Xbox 360 has a controller you can actually wrap your mind
around!  Given Sony’s upcoming controller (Holy banana boomerang,
Batman!) and Nintendo’s television remote, the 360 controller provides
gamers a sense of familiarity.  Oh, and did I mention its
wireless?  ^_^

Of course, there are the cons.  Many of the 360’s heavy hitters
weren’t available at launch (
Dead or Alive, Oblivion, etc.).  That
left eighteen games,
twelve of which are ports.  Now there are some good
ports (
Call of Duty 2), but the majority of the games got raped in
Madden 2006 on the 360 is actually worse than its
counterpart on the current gen Xbox (or PS2 for that matter, GameCube
can suck my nuts when it comes to playing sports games).  Granted
some of these game retail as high as
$60 (about as expensive as N64
cartridges were!), it makes one question whether they should be next
gen when the current gen is just as good, if not,

The supreme shortage of consoles didn’t help the 360’s sales either.
Gamers in North America and Europe are shelling out
insane amounts of
money for the few Xbox 360s still around, whereas in Japan, they’re on
store shelves
waiting to be bought.  How sad.  Then there’s
the technical problems.  Most of them can be solved or avoided
(disc scratching, lack of open environment, etc.) but there are still
problems (the screen of death, anyone?).  Also, the 360 is pretty easy to make fun of.  I mean, look how
huge the power supply is!

In short, if you want to shell out the money for a 360, go ahead.
You might enjoy some of the games (
Condemned: Criminal Origins, Call of
Duty 2
, Project Gotham Racing 3, Perfect Dark Zero, though I don’t like the latter game myself).  On the other hand, I’m not going to condemn the wisdom of
saving the cash for 2006 either…

Capital Punishment:  1,000!

Ah yes, the capital punishment debate still wages on.  2005 marked
the year of the 1,000th victim of the death penalty since it was
re-implemented in 1976.

Kenneth Lee Boyd, a man who shot and killed his divorced wife and her
father before being apprehended by his own sons, was put to death as
the 1,000th victim of the death penalty.  I rejoiced and commended
the executioners, even if it was through lethal injection.

Yeah, I know putting a killer to death doesn’t bring the victim
back.  However, what does giving him a second chance
accomplish?  Its okay to kill, because I’ll get a second
chance!  No.  Put the guy to death.  He knew the risks
before he killed the victims, and they sure as Hell didn’t get a second
chance at life.  Just kill the bastard and be done with it.
None of this “death row” bullshit either, just take him out into the
execution chamber after he’s convicted and kill him.

The Verdict

2005 was a rather eventful year.  I think I did a good job
outlining the main news events.  There were other news bits, but
does anyone really care who Prince Charles married?  And now, the
verdict on 2005…  After all, I can review anything.

The Verdict

+ Iraq is trying to have a democracy

– Despite protesting mothers and insurgent violence

– The NHL went on strike

+ But no one cared

+ Because we have other popular, better sports to watch

+ And players/coaches got screwed out of a year’s paycheck!

+ Tougher steroid testing is being implemented in the MLB

+ Much to the players’ dismay

+ Here’s to hoping they strike too

– Terri Schiavo died

+ She was going to die anyway

– But people still bitched anyway

+ We got a new Pope!

– Because the old one died

+/- Benedict looks more like Emperor Palaptine than a Pope

+ Speaking of Star Wars, it ended!

– …on a shitty note

+ Mark Felt is Deep Throat

+/- Michael Jackson was acquitted

– Hot Coffee mod led to politicians crusading against games

+ But they failed because they ignored the facts

+ Ozzfest!

– That sucked for San Bernindo fans

+ Lance Armstrong won!

– …Again!

– Natural disasters in the Gulf Coast and Kashmir region

– Kanye West used Katrina to gain notoriety for his new album

+ But most people realized he’s a dipshit

+ New Supreme Court justices nominated!

– One of which had no experience

– People are still bitching about evolution

+ Saddam Hussein was tried

– For crimes he committed too long ago

– And we’re not really putting him on trial for those crimes

+ France suffered rioting

+ The next gen of video games arrived

– But it costs too much

– And it isn’t much better than the current gen

+ Dear Capital Punishment, we need to kill another 1,000 people…

This Entry Is Completely Childproof…

…Coincidentally, that also makes it idiot-proof.

Apparently I need to clarify my Narnia review.  I can see why most
people think I should have liked it, since I didn’t really say much on
the movie here.  That’s because I was so disgusted with
Narnia.  I knew the movie would suck, but damn!  If Narnia
was a whore, my penis would have went numb from the amount of suckage.

So…here goes.

The first hour of Narnia was enjoyable.  It is most likely the
best part of the movie.  For those of you who don’t know the
story, Narnia is set in World War II-era Britain.   The
children are transported away from London to a mansion to be safe from
the horrors of war.  While there, during a game of hide and seek,
young Lucy finds a massive wardrobe.  Upon entrance, she is
transported to a magical land full of fauns, centaurs, and all sorts of
talking animals.  Narnia is in imprisoned in a winter that has
lasted a thousand years.  The only hope for the citizens
(err…animals) are two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve.

That’s about all I can say before I start ranting and raving and beating the shit out of the plot.

Now, I did like the first hour of the movie.  That’s pretty sad,
since there was a lot of non-book related stuff there.  For
example, there’s no depiction of German bombers blasting the crap out
of the protagonist’s home city.  Reading through my dust-collected
Narnia chronicles, I see Lucy enters the fantasy realm on page 6.
Yet, in the movie, it seems like six hours until we are introduced to
Narnia and Mr. Thomnas (or however the hell you spell his name).

Anyway, the first hour is handled quite nicely.  I almost had hope
for Narnia…until they met the beavers.  Oh good God, the talking
beavers.  Now Narnia had me immersed in its land, and then this
fake, clearly CGI created, hellspawn of a beaver shows up.
Complete with racial accents.  Well, at least the movie kept up
with C.S. Lewis’ racism (the reason I didn’t like the books).  Oh,
and what does the White Witch tempt Edmund with?  Turkish
Delights.  Oh the irony…

Anyway, the beavers pissed me off.  Mainly because they looked so
fake…  This is WETA!?  Of course, unlike many blind
Hollywood slaves, I knew WETA hadn’t done anything on Narnia…save the
rough draft.  The brilliant people behind the special effects of
such masterpieces as Garfield did the work here.  Garfield
sucked, and the special effects for Narnia suck too.  Then it
wasn’t just the beavers, but all the animals.  Particularly Aslan…

Aslan pissed me off himself.  If he is supposed to be an allegory
for Jesus, then he failed.  If I recall, Jesus gave his life for
all to be free of their sins.  Aslan goes through something
similar to crucifixion, but for just one guy.  If you are going to
be a martyr, don’t look like a fucking idiot!

Another thing about how the whole “Aslan is killed, then resurrected”
is that I didn’t feel anything.  Narnia had such little character
development that no one actually bonds with anyone.  Aslan is
giving his life for a traitor?  I’d be more impressed if I
actually felt anything for him.  For example, in the events
leading up to Aslan’s sacrifice, you know very little about him.
He’s the just the “Lord of Narnia.”  That’s it.  At least
Jesus had several chapters (hell, books) of scripture to back him up,
regardless of how true or false you believe such texts.

For anyone still doubting, compare Narnia to Lord of the Rings.
Narnia may be many things, but epic it is not.  The plot, acting, hell
even the effects were better in Rings.  And Rings was believable and
appealed to all audiences.  Jackson and Tolkien are just the better

In short, I give Narnia two thumbs down, but two middle fingers up.  Fuck Narnia.  Go see King Kong instead.

+ Great plot!

+ Evil villains!

+/- Semi-faithful to the books.

– Plastic characters…

– More of a kid’s movie than a fantasy (damn Disney)…

– Coated with enough sugar make the viewer a diabetic…

– Make-believe at times…

There no ‘I’ in team. 

There’s no ‘U’ either.  So if I’m not on the team, and you’re not
on the team, then nobody is on the damn team!  The team sucks